Reaching My Heart

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be more positive, and I realized that in order to do that I have to be somewhat more forthcoming about the nature of my journey.  I may have highs and lows.  So anyone who checks in from time to time will know why.

The Christmas season yielded fruit.

Somehow, in the simplicity of not thinking, “Is there enough?” or “I wanted to get just a few more things…”  because there simply wasn’t any way; I peaced out.

Jesus showed up.

There is a story in the Bible about a guy waiting for God to tell him what to do.

An earthquake comes. God doesn’t answer.

A tornado comes. God doesn’t answer.

Prairie wildfire comes. God doesn’t answer.

Then.

A gentle breeze comes.  On it is the still, small voice of God.

At the start of this blog, I mentioned being cyber-bullied by someone I had thought was my friend.  Let’s just say that what should have been a year of joy and happiness has been marred by this person’s “apart from reality” behavior. There is another family who is also being treated this way by her.

I put it away from my mind, but sometimes it rises up.  And I feel the walls closing in.  I feel like I am looking down a long telescope.  Sometimes, I feel as though I am back in the foreign country alone.  It came to light when I got home, that there HAD been someone watching me everywhere I went.  The person always knew what I was doing.

Today is one of those days.  I emailed with the other gal.  They are still being contacted.  My husband receives all communication from this person. The deal is that they ignore her.  I guess we do to.

There is an online group we all belonged to at the beginning.  They are having a “reunion” (for lack of a better term) to honor this woman.  Needless to say, I am no longer a member of this group.  The problem is most of the membership thinks she is a treasure.  I have lost the comfort of these friendships because she went first with her “hurt” and “confusion”.  The only people who asked my side of the story went straight to her and repeated it and she got mad and attacked us by email.  Someone representing her(or her giving a false name) approached people who followed the other blog and asked them for info about what was going on with us.  One gave.  That we know about.  His remarks were repeated verbatim in an email to my husband. So, I really have no idea who is safe to tell my story to, and who is not.

See, no one here will know the story, the people or the area of life; but I am still afraid.

So how is this the heart-reaching, still small voice?  It’s not.

It was the fire, cyclone, earthquake.

The still small voice came at Christmas.

Child.  Your hurts are real.  Very real.  It was not consequences of your carelessness or selfishness. You are hurting because of another’s wrongdoing. Take refuge in Me.  It is not your responsibility to right these wrongs.  Just rest.

Not only did He give me freedom, He enabled me to walk in it.

Today the panic came again.  I see it now as a visceral response to the memory of the original situation.  Time has passed and I have to take responsibility for preventing any future harm to myself, my family, or the other family.  I have already made an initial contact.  I am trusting Him to lead me step by step out of this darkness.


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